I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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