I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
