his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just puked most of my soul out..
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