Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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