I feel great
I just peed on a car
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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