I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
