I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
