She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
