The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
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