Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
