its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
