woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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