My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize