We named our party play list daddy issues
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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