oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
