Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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