Kiss
Puke
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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