Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize