My pussy is not your playground.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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