i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
