I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
