remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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