So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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