You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
