This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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