i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
