Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
