we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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