dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
