I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
