mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm drive I can fine osifer
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
