Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
dude. I can hear the air.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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