operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
