My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
