I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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