what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
