i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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