super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
