There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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