woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
His nipple licking is glorious
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
