I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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