That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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