we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
