Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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