ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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