And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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