My friends, they love my intelligence
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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