i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
