So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
