i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
