i love accidental penises.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
