420 ftw
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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