We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
