i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
