Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
