I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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