This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
