Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize
