So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
