You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
