please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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