good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize