Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
