I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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