if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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