my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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