good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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